Detergent, Despair, and a Dose of Humanity

t.e.pastiche

Sometimes I don’t hate people.

Actually, I don’t really hate people, but I sure don’t like how a lot of people choose to behave and treat others on the regular.

Most people don’t give a fuck. No one cares, and that’s a harsh reality most of the time, but reality all the same.

Until you have a chance encounter that reminds you not everyone sucks.

I’ve had a ROUGH week. Work was a clusterfuck, shit-show nightmare. And I know this is how corporate works for corporate salons. Even privately held ones owned by women. This is the game, but I told myself I could cope until something better came along because the pay is decent—and then last week happened … 🤦🏻‍♀️ I love getting sent resources for my mental health when I specifically stated I was interested in getting them for reasonable accommodation for my physical health. But I digress …

I’m stressed about money and bills. Our kitchen floor smells like dog piss in my new apartment, and three times contractors have come in and either walked out of the job or, in last week’s case, made the situation worse. I now have a literal hill in my kitchen, the baseboards are half-assed, my walls are fucked up, and there’s construction dust all over the place with chunks of vinyl flooring stuck to the cabinets. 🤡🔫 Hopefully, that’s resolved on Monday because, well, it’s bullshit. Especially since it was all supposed to be fixed BEFORE we moved in.

My psoriatic arthritis/psoriasis and osteoarthritis have been really acting up, and I’m not entirely surprised. I’m back on my feet again all day after years of not having been and going through a rough bout of insomnia, which never helps my stress levels or my medical bullshit, and it all gets so cyclical. Add perimenopause on top of all that, plus the current state we find our country in, and I’m like, “Damn, I really hope my Medicaid doesn’t get fucked with because that’s what covers my immunosuppressant meds so I can keep functioning for as long as possible in this end-stage, capitalistic hellscape. Well, shit, if that goes away, there’s a very good likelihood I’ll become permanently disabled because I won’t be able to access my meds…. Damn, disability might be gone too if this trend continues …” So I pause, try to breathe through all of the anxiety, and tell myself I’ll deal as shit comes up because what choice do I have? Poor people are throwaway people in the US. And if you’re a disabled, poor person, you’re all the more expendable.

So that’s been super swell. And hot. 🥵 Anyone else here hot because, for a person who’s always been cold 🥶 most of their life, I sure am hot most all of the time these days … 🥵 🥵 🥵

And I digressed again, but back on track to my original point. This week sucked. I’ve had way worse, but I’ve definitely had way better.

So I’m off until Monday, and we have linens that need washing. I’ve put it off as long as possible because, being a renter most of my life, I’ve learned it’s best to always have at least doubles of some things like sheets, towels, blankets, etc. The washers and dryers in our building aren’t large enough to wash our blankets and sheets, but there’s a laundromat next door to us, and our neighbors said it was even cheaper than the one in the building. So I pack up all our shit, grab the little bit of dirty clothing we’ve accumulated since Peter did the wash on Monday just to get it done since I’m going anyways, lug it down a flight of stairs only to have the laundromat be packed. Not in the mood for crowds today … so I lug it back to my car in the parking lot, toss it in the trunk, and I drive over to the one by the Grocery Outlet we frequent. I figure I can even grab a couple of things for supper tonight and some things we need before heading home. Get out of my car, grab my laundry, when what do I see but a man pissing on the door. Also not in the mood, so I leave … find another place that’s a bit closer to where I currently reside. Park, get out of my car, grab my laundry, scan the grounds for men pissing on doors and crowds, the coast is clear so I head in only to realize I’ve left my laundry detergent at home. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤡🔫

But whatever, right? I have cash, take it to get some change so I can buy some Tide and just get on with my day. Get my quarters, use said quarters, press the button to release the box of Tide I need, and it took my buck fifty and didn’t dispense the detergent. I believe my words were, “God dammit. WTF?!” I feel like crying in this moment. Not because this is the end of the world, but because I’m tired, I’m hurting, I’m stressed and worried, and all I want to do is wash my linens without a gazillion people around me in a place where men aren’t peeing on the door, go home, and take a much-needed nap. I, of course, don’t cry, but I feel like it in this moment.

That’s when I hear a tiny voice say, “Hey, you seem like you’re having a rough day, and that damn vending machine does that sometimes. I can give you some of my detergent if you want it. I just have to run to my car to get it.” So I nod emphatically and say, “Thank you. I appreciate you.” And she just says, “Times are really rough out there right now with all that’s gone on. Especially the last couple of weeks. Seemed like you could use some kindness right now…”

So we chatted for a little while as she was finishing up folding her laundry. I can see she’s maybe 10-15 years older than me. She tells me how she’s very worried about life right now and the only way she’s affording things like the laundromat IS because of her Social Security, and she’s scared she’s going to lose it because she doesn’t know what she’s going to do if she does. All I can do is shake my head and say how shameful this all is, but I guess we’ve got to hope for the best right now. She’s not so convinced, and truth be told, neither am I … we both say nothing for a few moments as she finishes up her last bit of folding, and I, of course, ask if she needs help carrying it to her car. She says, “I’m old, but I’m capable.” So I nod and thank her again for being so thoughtful, and off she went.

This little act of kindness changed my whole outlook on today. I was ready to punch a wall, and now I’m not. I’m a lot calmer, though a nap is still on my agenda if I can make it home before it’s too late, but I’m marveling at how it always seems like the people who have nothing will give what they can while some of the wealthiest people in this country and the world are doing their damndest to rip Social Security and everything else away from those in need.

It ain’t right, and I still want to cry, but now it’s because someone who’s got nothing showed me a simple kindness today even though her future is hanging in the balance.