Ethics and Actions: Non-Violent Communication in a Violent World

Hello and welcome to the fourth installment in the Ethics and Actions series. This series is a deep dive into building strong communal relationships and bringing ourselves to liberation. Over the course of the last three installments, we asked and challenged ourselves to two foundational questions:

1. Does a free world include everyone?

2. How does a free world include everyone?

What we have explored is balance and being our genuine selves to empower not only ourselves as individuals, but also the people we live with. Here, we will put ourselves in the shoes of some of our recognized and highly applauded activists throughout history and align ourselves with their practices to build an ethical revolution.

We challenge ourselves with another set of questions: How do we remain in alignment with justice in the face of injustice? Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. articulated this beautifully when he said, "I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate who is more devoted to 'order' than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice." Negative peace is the absence of tension within the oppressor, allowing them to act as an oppressor without challenge. Positive peace is what we will dive into. How can we generate a just peace when the oppressor only seeks comfort?

We, in the oppressor class, need to feel tension and process it in a way that allows us to engage rather than disconnect. This is a significant challenge when we’re taught to cling to cognitive narratives so tenuous that even a mere mention of race can send us spiraling into self-defense. This nervous breakdown is termed "individualism," a root cause of systemic oppression in the United States. We observe these implosions instantaneously on social media; mention race, and it becomes a mental gymnastics competition of "who is the actual racist."

From my observations—both personal and through collaborative work with a team of anti-racism educators—an interpersonal phenomenon occurs during discussions of race. The white body often struggles with how to respond. Kokayi Nosakhere refers to this as a "glitch" in his writings for the 60k and Below SubStack. After considerable self-reflection with fellow healing European Americans, I recognize that this glitch truly happens. We lack the mental programming to confront our whiteness in a non-violent manner.

This leads to a working theory: when the white body experiences this glitch, it reverts to foundational neural networks, specifically our mirror neurons. These neurons, among the first developed after birth, enable us to mirror the actions of those around us, firing off as if we are performing those actions ourselves. For example, if you take a bite of food while speaking to someone, they may subconsciously do the same. This is a powerful psychological response, difficult to counter when we are unaware of it.

In the context of the "glitch," if the white mind reverts to a primal state, we might activate our mirror neurons in a way that temporarily disrupts the ingrained programming, allowing us to feel "human" rather than "superhuman." In moments of glitch, another white person expressing joy in a positive conversation about race may bypass the usual defenses, fostering a deeper connection. Conversely, if the glitch occurs in a negative context, the individual may further entrench themselves in colonizer programming, a phenomenon we saw during the first Trump administration.

I theorize that interactions during this glitch state can generate deeper interpersonal bonds, as the only neural pathways active resemble those in early development. While I hesitate to label this as a "paternal" bond, it certainly indicates a more profound connection.

Now, how can we apply this understanding to decolonization work? During moments of racial tension, the white body often seeks comfort and solidarity with others of its kind, perpetuating oppression. In contrast, if a calm demeanor is maintained during a racial moment, it can lead to the calming of the glitching white body, opening the door for deeper dialogue. An illustrative example of this is provided in a previous work, "I’m White and it Feels Disgusting."

So, how do we soothe ourselves when we feel tension at the prospect of discussing race? Though I'm not a clinical psychologist, I practice basic stress management techniques learned during my Navy training. First, I check my breathing: Is it labored, shallow, fast, or slow? If I notice it's rapid, I take slow, deep breaths—in through the nose, out through the mouth (think "Smell the Flowers, Blow Out the Candle"). I monitor my heart rate as well; if it's elevated, I continue the deep breaths until it returns to a more normal pace. Then, I perform mini stretches to release any tension, helping me understand my physical state before engaging in conversations.

With practice, we can start doing this mid-conversation. The next time you're in a discussion, let your mind wander to this check-in. As you grow more comfortable, revisit tense situations without engaging defensively; focus on managing your stress levels. Over time, you'll find that difficult conversations can flow more easily, transitioning from argument to discussion. Through dialogue, we can hold ourselves accountable and act on that accountability instead of falling into defensive responses that lead to regret. It’s okay to make mistakes; we’re all learning. If we seek to understand rather than defend, we can help each other grow.

As a challenge, I invite you to find a trusted friend or family member. Let them know your intent is stress management. Bring up a light-hearted disagreement, like “Does pineapple go on pizza?” During this conversation, process your feelings together. Where do you feel defensiveness? Does it manifest as aggression or withdrawal? Discuss these questions, and you may find that although defensive responses may arise similarly, they manifest differently for each person.

I hope this article aids you in building a stronger community, not just with those you agree with, but also with those you don’t. After all, a deeper connection can change minds and contribute to a less violent, more just world. Thank you for participating in the Ethics and Actions series thus far. While I cannot predict when the next installment will occur, there will be more as we continue our path toward liberation.

—TwoToneTrouble

References

¹ National Library of Medicine—“Mirror Neurons: Enigma of the Metaphysical Brain”
Sourya Acharya, Samarth Shukla
Link

² Word in Black—“The Horrors of Lynching Photographs and Postcards.” Howard Center for Investigative Journalism.
Lin

k