I can't be Scottish-Descended; I have to be white

Heritage and the Weight of Whiteness

For as long as I can remember, I’ve known that my paternal ancestry on my mother’s side is Scottish and on my father’s side is English. However, my father never spoke about his father or grandfather, or any of his other family, really, so I grew up identifying with my Scottish ancestry.

I have worn the tartan of Clan Baird proudly for nearly ten years, ever since I had the chance to visit the weaving mill in Edinburgh while traveling for work. I honestly can’t say I feel any special sense of pride in my Scottish heritage, but I guess I always felt like I should. And authentic Highlands cashmere is enough excuse to wear anything, especially in the cold. It worked. Over the years, I grew kind of fond of the idea of getting closer acquainted with my ancestral heritage.

But there’s something in the way. Something that’s always been in the way, even in my childhood. I can’t be a Scottish-descended American. I’m just a white guy. I can’t be an English-descended American. I’m just a white guy.

Sure, I could lean further into traditional cultural dress and customs. But I would be no closer to anything but “just a white guy” regardless. The deeper I steeped myself in my ancestral culture, the less socially acceptable I would become in public spaces, on social media, and in professional business. And that’s understandable; it would be disingenuous for me to start talking with an accent or making my Scottish heritage an integral part of my personality. Because of how white supremacy culture has stripped all other culture away from white bodies, it would be cultural appropriation for me to try to present myself in a way that people think of me as Scottish, not just white.

That last part hurts. It’s my ancestral culture. I can still claim it, but I can never be it. I can’t be a Scottish-descended American. I have to be “white.”

Now, a lot of white people are going to read this and have a reaction to it. Some will understand what I mean, and some will think I’m crazy or just stupid.

But I think most Black, brown, and Indigenous persons of color could explain exactly what I mean in five words.

“I can call the cops.”