The Weight We Don't Carry:

Privilege and the Limits of Empathy

If I walk through this world under the assumption that a human existing in a Black body is experiencing life the same way I experience life I am CHOOSING to erase THEIR identity and merge it with MINE.

I think a lot of us (EAs) confuse trauma with understanding. I can't even say "shared trauma," because the horrific abuse and trauma I suffered at the hands of other EAs can't be shared with abuse and trauma Black and Indigenous people suffered.

Photo by RDNE Stock project

Say I met a Black Woman who literally went through the EXACT same CA, CSA & SA that I did. I mean IDENTICAL. We still couldn't "share" that trauma. I still couldn't understand or relate because I exist in a system that was designed to put me above her. I don't have the added trauma of being seen as 3/5 of a human, or "too loud" or "too angry," or "unintelligent," or "a criminal."

Even the fact that white women in this country are essentially second class citizens doesn't give me the generations worth of trauma at a cellular level experienced by Black Bodies in this country, who are seen as what...3rd, 4th, 5th class citizens? I may walk with my trauma but I do not walk with my trauma AND a target on my body merely because of the color of my skin. My fellow EAs are struggling with the meaning of privilege. We tend to think that because we've suffered we understand oppression and therefore are not privileged.

My somewhat disjointed and long winded point is this:

It is IMPOSSIBLE for those of us living in the oppressor class to have the same experience as those we oppress.

It's akin to a very wealthy person saying, "I'm broke," and me saying, "I'm broke."

The wealthy person would think they're broke because they only have thousands in the bank.

I would know I'm broke because I have -$50 in my account.

Black, Brown and Indigenous People start off in this country with a negative balance. I, however, did not.

So, unless & until we (EAs) can accept that we are not existing and experiencing life the same way the BIPOC Community does, we will not be able to do anti-racist and pro-humanity work because we will still be doing it ONLY for ourselves and in ways that benefit ONLY us. THAT is but one thing that makes "allies" dangerous.

I hope this made sense & wasn't offensive in any way. I apologize for it being so long.